111 Why Negotiation is Painful and What Can Be Done About It

by | Jan 19, 2018 | Podcast | 0 comments

Why Negotiation is Painful and What Can Be Done About It

Why Negotiation is Painful and What Can Be Done About It

As the time of this recording, the students in the MailBox Money Mastermind are on a journey of self-discovery. They are learning right from the beginning how to effectively overcome objection and to become highly skilled negotiators. As I guide them through this process of learning, I really enjoy watching them win, and creating win / win solutions. I have them undertaking specific tasks which are designed to help them learn how to deal with rejection and how to lessen the likelihood of it occurring.

Many sales trainers sell scripts of what you are supposed to say to “get the sale”. They use techniques such as “NLP” or Neuro Linguistic Programming to help “trick” people into buying whatever happens to be for sale. I don’t believe tricks are necessary in order to complete a successful negotiation. In this episode, I want to discuss five specific topics that relate to negotiation which have helped me improve my skills.


The more confident you are, the more effective you can be in negotiations, right? Well, it depends.

Often confidence is faked or overstated, and we pretend that we are more confident than we really are, which can often lead to a trainwreck negotiating experience. Being “overconfident” can backfire in an instant, simply by alienating the other party. The last thing we would want to do is to intimidate or scare the other party; this never ends well. Every negotiation needs to end in a win / win scenario.

When I feel myself lacking confidence prior to a negotiation, I first take a minute to “de-rationalize” the reasons for my lack of confidence. I have this inward conversation with myself where I spell out the specific things I “think” will go wrong. I only invest a few moments on this, then shake my head and dismiss theses things as rediculous or insignificant.

Here is an example:

Dreamed incident: “The Seller will laugh at my offer”

Planned Response: I simply join them in the laughter and instead redirect the conversation to the seller’s needs (because to them, my needs really don’t matter).


Have you ever thought “They won’t accept my terms or offer”? I must admit, I really do try to predict the future more often than I should, yet I realize this is a natural human instinct. In almost every situation, I incorrectly misjudge what may happen in the future, especially when I attempt to predict the actions of another in negotiations.

As humans, we often assume the answers to questions and the reactions to action which does tend to hold most people back from taking the action they need in the first place to be successful. Statistically speaking, assumptions without a basis in specific factual research are almost always incorrect. Knowing that we cannot predict the future accurately, why do we continue to try?

Instead of making assumptions, investors need to ask specific questions that result in a sharing of information. If the answers are not fully understood, further questions will help you achieve clarity. In negotiations, making assumptions can often lead to over-paying for an investment or causing the other side to lose interest and discontinue the negotiations.

Failure to Build Relationships First:

When attempting to negotiate with a complete stranger, invest some time in small talk, establishing rapport with the other person. Building rapport can be as simple as talking about the latest sports event, non-political news, or the weather.

No matter how passionate you are about politics or religion, avoid these two topics in every way possible prior to a negotiation. You only have a 50/50 shot of being on the “same team” as the other person. The risk of offending them or having them think less of you at this stage is simply not worth the small chance of reward.

Invest as much time as is practical getting to know why the other party is here, how this situation can help them, and what their expectations are.


Rejection will happen, it is simply part of the process. Remember though, it was the offer that was rejected, not necessarily you as a person. Be relieved when that first rejection happens. Why? Because it means the worst part is out of the way and now we can focus on getting to “yes”.

Rejection is just as painful to deliver as it is to receive, although many of you may disagree. The fact is that most people do not feel comfortable saying “no”. Now that you know this crucial fact, use it as a tool in your next negotiation.

Think of “No” as one side of a pendulum. On the other side is “yes”. If a negotiation begins with “no”, it can still swing over to the “yes” side with a focus on the other party’s needs.

Talking Too Much:

I have a Meme on my Facebook profile sometimes that says “I am sorry I slapped you, but I did not think you would ever stop talking and I panicked”. I love that saying, I really do, and I admit that I sometimes (ok often) imagine me saying just that to certain people I know.

You would be amazed how many times I have overheard what would have been a great negotiation ruined by someone who simply cannot stop talking. As social media and our obsession with electronic devices continues to increase, our social grace seems to be slipping away.

When you arrive at the moment of agreement, shake hands, acknowledge that agreement and close the sale. Don’t get caught up in going overboard trying to ask for even more after the agreement has been made. Such tactics often tend to upset (even anger) the other party and can quickly unwind what otherwise would have been a great negotiation.

If you’d like to find out more about Podfest, visit their website at Podfest.us.

Make sure you visit our website at CashFlowGuys.com to see what we’re up to right now!

And join the Facebook group at CashFlowGuys.com/Group.